A Dog’s Life

While walking through a parking lot, I saw two dogs trying really hard to look casual: one in the driver’s seat; the other, a backseat passenger. I imagined their whispered conversation:

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Driver: You don’t think she sees us, do you?

Passenger: Nah.

Driver: It’s been a month. How ya doin’ with your New Year resolutions?

Passenger: Not good. You?

Driver: Me either, that’s why I fetched the truck keys.

Passenger: Where we goin’?

Driver: You know those drive-through windows our human gets bags of food from?

Passenger? Yeah.

Driver: I’m sick of the Dog Food Diet. No one will ever know we cheated. All our human does is pull up to the window, waits a minute, and then a bag of food gets handed out.

If you made them, how are you doing with your New Year resolutions?

© TuesdaysWithLaurie.com

Unabashedly Optimistic

My days feel much like this antelope that we passed while driving in Montana—On Top of the World! Unlike Pollyanna who was blindly optimistic, I’m unabashedly optimistic—not embarrassed to build a net before I leap.

And lest you ask… no, I don’t gargle with bong water, and yes, my balloon does land.

The difference between optimists and pessimists is not simple cheerfulness: it’s how we cope with stress. Psychology Professor Michael Scheier of Carnegie Mellon University explains that optimists consistently outlive pessimists because optimists cope better with adversity. Optimists deal with stress and take action to handle it, while pessimists often deny problems or disengage.

These coping mechanisms affect people on a cellular level. Optimists not only live longer, but they also live better, having better mobility, circulation, and cognitive faculties into old age.

Optimist or pessimist—which side of the coin do you fall on?

© TuesdaysWithLaurie.com

In the Crapper

Montana is incredible in a number of ways, with innovative thinking at the top of the list. On a drive one afternoon during a visit to that fair state, we saw a tipped-over outhouse that’s now cleverly used as a junction box for telephone and electrical wires.

The wheels in my mind started to spin as I thought about the ways we express ourselves—communication. The coin dropped, and I heard it click.

It’s been said that foul language is the mark of a limited vocabulary and a poor imagination. A person who can’t hold a conversation without the use of expletives is oftentimes referred to as a potty mouth—the outhouse connection!

I can remember having my mouth washed out with soap on a few childhood occasions. And I can still hear my mother’s wise advice: Make your words sweet and tender today, for tomorrow you may have to eat them.

Have you ever had your mouth washed out?

© TuesdaysWithLaurie.com

Vampire Slayer

We were driving along the highway lickity split when all of a sudden Len and I turn and look at each other, grinning like fools.

Both of us are fans of garlic. Lots and lots of garlic. So when we found ourselves behind a TRUCKLOAD OF GARLIC—our vehicle enveloped in a wake of the heady aroma—we we’re tickled!

It’s been said that garlic wards off vampires and ne’er-do-wells from the darker side of the spirit world. But why? A bit of internet research went a long way toward learning about the origin of this superstition:

“Mosquitoes suck blood and in doing so spread disease. So do vampires. Some of the symptoms of malaria—exhaustion, fever, anemia—are reminiscent of the reputed effects of being bitten by a vampire without being totally drained or turned. Garlic is a known insect repellent which reportedly works well against mosquitoes, perhaps people saw the similarity with vampires, especially when in their bat form.”

What’s the best Halloween costume that you’ve ever worn?

Bwahahahaha!

© TuesdaysWithLaurie.com

Turtle Britches

During a jaunt without Willa, amazing things happen. My four-mile gait is a consistent 15-minute mile which equates to a pretty fast walk (or a record-breakingly slow run).

Not “Blade Runner,” Willa is “Blade Sniffer.” She stops to smell—and pee on—every single solitary blade of grass. She moves at the speed of a herd of turtles in a jar of peanut butter. We might as well pack lunch, dinner, and headlamps ‘cause we’re not getting home until dark.

Willa’s favorite mode of transportation is catching G-force from the car window.

What’s your speed?

© TuesdaysWithLaurie.com

Bicyclers Beware

A trip to Whitefish, Montana had us laughing when we came across this fully loaded (pun intended) bicycle. With a six-pack caddy, wine bottle holder, and a single carrier on the front, it appears the would-be bicyclist is prepared to either celebrate profusely, or drown their sorrows.

Curious, I checked to see if it is or is not legal to drink alcohol while riding a bicycle. It turns out it varies by state and what they consider non-motorized vehicles—including horses. Depending on where you live, if you decide to drink and drive a non-motorized vehicle here’s what you might expect:

“You may not be arrested for drunk driving on a non-motorized vehicle, bicycle, etc. You may be cited for any individual violation that is committed, or possibly for drunk and disorderly (if the circumstances fit). Also, some municipalities have ordinances simply for being drunk in public, and if a horse rider were in one of these areas, then they could be arrested for that.”

When was the last time you rode your bicycle?

© TuesdaysWithLaurie.com

Can DEW Attitude

There’s no doubt about it; I have a CAN DEW attitude! When I wake up in the morning and look at my ta-dah list, I think, Yes I can!

When Len and I eloped those many years ago, we both said, I DEW. And we have, for thirty-seven years.

When meeting people, we often ask, How DEW you DEW?

When our son was growing up, we knew if we said DEW as I say, a demand was less likely to be complied with than a pleasant request preempted with a “please” and a smile.

I like DEW better than do. To me, it seems friendlier, more amicable. This from the person who intentionally spells refridgerator with a “d” because it looks nicer.

Do you have a can dew attitude?

© TuesdaysWithLaurie.com