Shouting Doesn’t Help

The road trip to my sabbatical location wasn’t much different from watching “I Love Lucy.”

SCENE: 70 mph, five lanes, one fork, two exits, lots of traffic, freezing rain, and slick road conditions at dusk. Oh, and did I mention the frequent bounding of mule deer across the highway?

LEN says: “There’s a fork in the road up ahead. When you veer right, stay in the left lane because the road we need to take is across from a shopping mall on the right.”

LAURIE shouts: “What?!”

SIRI grumbles: “Recalculating route…” (but I’m sure what followed under her breath was “Ay-Yi-Yi” with a Ricky Ricardo accent) as we missed the turnoff.

Hint #2 — The cat where I’m living during my sabbatical is usually indoor/outdoor. However, because wolves are down from the surrounding mountains hunting for food—one seen as close as the neighbor’s porch—he’s strictly indoor at this time.

“I know that you believe you understand what you think I said, but I’m not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant.” —Robert McCloskey, American author and illustrator of children’s books

Can you relate?

Reminder, the caveat of the Looking for Laurie game stipulates: “The first person to type the accurate city and state of my sabbatical location into the comments section of the Mar 28 post will receive a personalized copy of Note to Self: A Seven-Step Path to Gratitude and Growth for themselves or as a gift to someone else.”

© TuesdaysWithLaurie.com

And the World Goes ‘Round

Boise, Idaho—there’s no doubt we live in one of the most beautiful locations in North America. The photo below is just one of the lovely scenes we pass on our daily walks. And though the water’s been turned off for the winter and the wheel isn’t currently going ‘round, it’s still captivating.

Water wheel

In my most recent article for Sibyl magazine I wrote:

Communication—not love—is what makes the world go round. One of the strongest human longings is to be heard and acknowledged. This need is deeply anchored to our connection with others.

I went on to say:

Excellent communicators make eye contact with the other person and take in what they’re saying. They give visual clues and utilize encouraging expressions of agreement—nodding their head, smiling, softly saying uh-huh—to let the other person know that they’re actively listening.

Who was the last person you gifted with your undivided attention?

© Laurie Buchanan

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Humanity’s Mortar

We’ve all heard the expression “shoots from the hip” used to describe someone who “says what they mean, and means what they say.” Their style of communication is decisive and strong.

In my perspective, communication is the mortar that holds humanity together; it’s the very currency of our society. Each of us dips our toes into four communication styles, but works from a primary stance:

  • Expresser — relies on feelings, tends to ask “Who?”
  • Relater — relies on relationships, tends to ask “What?”
  • Analyzer — relies on data, tends to ask “How?”
  • Driver — relies on cooperation, tends to ask “What?”


There are people in each category who are clear, concise, and articulate in their delivery style.

Brick and Mortar


Likewise, there are people in each category who are a bit fuzzy in getting their point across.

IMG_7562

What is your primary communication style?

© Laurie Buchanan

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Not just for Writers — Criticism versus Critique

When I spoke at the Writers’ Institute at UW-Madison, one of my topics was why critiquing is necessary. My presentation included defining the difference between criticism and critique:

I represented CRITICISM with scissor blades facing the recipient — putting a person on the defensive. We typically react (knee-jerk) to this style of communication, viewing it as an attack. Criticism is problem-oriented, negative, and critical.

I represented CRITIQUE with scissor handles facing the recipient — putting the person at ease. We typically respond (thought-filled) to this style of communication, viewing it as a gift. Critique is solution-oriented, positive, and helpful.

When you provide feedback (at home, work, or in a writing situation), is your message respectful, honest, useful, clear, and specific?

Laurie Buchanan

Whatever you are not changing, you are choosing.”
— Laurie Buchanan

The Book—Discovering the Seven Selves
The Experience—Life Harmony

© 2013 Laurie Buchanan – All Rights Reserved

Find me on Twitter @HolEssence

Mirror Mirror on the Wall

Over the past few weeks I’ve had the opportunity for phone-intensive interaction with people—some I know, others I don’t. Regardless, at the end of each conversation I stop and reflect on the exchange of words, tone, and delivery style.

I find myself wondering once again, “What’s it like to be on the receiving end of me?”

When I was in the corporate world, I taught MAGICMake A Good Impression on the Client. One of the tips was to keep a mirror on your desk and smile into it when speaking on the phone.

Mirror - Laurie

With that in mind, I’ve taken my own advice and placed a mirror on my desk so that I smile on purpose and use words, tone, and a delivery style that I myself would welcome.

What kind of “magic” do you use?

Laurie Buchanan

Whatever you are not changing, you are choosing.”
— Laurie Buchanan

The Book—Discovering the Seven Selves
The Experience—Life Harmony

© 2013 Laurie Buchanan – All Rights Reserved

Find me on Twitter @HolEssence

BLUE – Unleash Your Creative Flair!

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For those of you who are just joining us, welcome to the University of Life. In the previous “classes” we laid the groundwork for this course—The Color of Wellness, and looked at the therapeutic properties of the colors red, orange, yellow, and green. Today’s palette features the color Blue.

Blue is associated with self-expression, creativity, and environmental wellness. It enhances knowledge, relaxation, and health. It’s the color of a cloudless summer sky. Think of your favorite faded denim jacket, robin’s eggs in a nest, an exquisite piece of turquoise, or the inviting water of a swimming pool on a hot day.

The positive properties of blue are expressed as peaceful, calming, tactful, sincere, trustworthy, fluent, introspective, and responsible.

The negative properties of blue are described as tongue-tied, cold, withdrawn, manipulative, and disloyal.

The healing properties of blue are cooling and protective and can address physical symptoms such as high blood pressure, migraine, fever, cuts, stings/burns, and negatives states of mind such as timidity, fatigue, distrust, indecision, fear of speaking up, and confrontation. Blue decreases respiration and is ideal for sleep and over-activity.

When you need a boost in the areas of creativity and self-expression, indulge yourself with this color. The frequency of blue resonates with the throat chakra. It creates a calm throat center from which to speak our truth. Blue stimulates calm, open, and clear communication, ingredients that are vital to working with others peacefully.

Are you drawn to clear blue? That’s a cool color that calms. Or maybe you enjoy the muted hues that recall a spring sky after the rain; while the shaded tones exude comfort and rest.

What we do with our physical environment—our personal space—speaks to our heart and helps us to flourish. Buy a piece of blue clothing. Add a splash of blue to your décor with flowers, pillows, a candle or a throw. Buy blue sheets that will gently encourage you to sleep at night. Or take advantage of the healing frequency of blue crystals such as aquamarine, turquoise, chrysocolla, or blue topaz.

[Lisa Krupp will recognize many of these photos from her home island, Eleuthera, in the Bahamas. Arch Rock was taken on Mackinac Island, and the pendant is one of my favorites, Blue Kyanite and Pearl].

Listen with your heart,

Laurie Buchanan

Whatever you are not changing, you are choosing.”
               – Laurie Buchanan

www.HolEssence.com

Copyright © 2010 Laurie Buchanan — All Rights ReservedNo part of this blog post may be used in part, or in whole, without written permission from Laurie Buchanan.

Emerald Eyes, Isles, and Stones

Raw Emerald

One of my friends, Donna Jill Witty, recently returned from North Carolina where part of her time was spent gem mining near Ashville. Much to my surprise and delight, she gifted me with three raw pieces: emerald, sapphire, and citrine. Since green is my favorite color, emerald is the gemstone that I chose to highlight in this post.

But first, please follow this LINK so that I can introduce you to Donna Jill Witty and her amazing artwork. I’m tickled to share that she was featured in the current (summer 2010) edition of the American Artist Watercolor magazine. The article, Mixing Careful Planning with Spontaneity, starts on page 42.

Emerald
The frequency of Emerald is said to enhance harmony, joy, cleansing, abundance, clairvoyance, memory, and faith. It provides inspiration and helps those in need of balance, healing, and infinite patience. It also benefits intuition, intellect, communication, decision-making, and promotes truthfulness and honesty. It motivates the possessor to give love and wisdom to others. Emerald is used to enhance intuitive awareness and to bring forth manifestation. It’s a stone of protection and is associated with the heart chakra.

Listen with your heart,

Laurie Buchanan

Whatever you are not changing, you are choosing.”
               – Laurie Buchanan

www.HolEssence.com
Copyright © 2010 Laurie Buchanan — All Rights Reserved.