“Angry people want you to see how powerful they are…loving people want you to see how powerful you are.”
— Chief Red Eagle
Recently I donated my hands to a “Ladies Night Out” event. My “station” was positioned across the aisle from a table of lovely scented candles. The name of the company was Slow Burn. That name—clever for a candle company—got me thinking about anger, which just so happened to be the number two topic of most women on my table that evening, second only to stress.
Anger is a natural response, a warning bell that lets us know something’s wrong. Physically, it triggers the release of adrenaline which typically increases muscle tension, heart rate, and blood pressure. Anger only becomes a problem when we don’t manage it in a healthy way. We have two choices:
Expression
This can range from a rational conversation to a violent outburst. When we choose the latter—a violent outburst—it equates to an emotional explosion.
Suppression
This is an attempt to hold it in, or ignore it. When we choose to hold it in—sweep it under the carpet—it equates to an emotional implosion.
Note: Suppression includes passive-aggressive responses where we don’t express our anger constructively; rather we scheme to retaliate instead.
Ideally we choose constructive expression—stating our concerns in a cool, calm, and collected manner—without hurting or manipulating others.
One of my favorite books on this topic is, “Anger: Wisdom for Cooling the Flames” by Thich Nhat Hanh.
How do you cool the flames?
“Whatever you are not changing, you are choosing.”
— Laurie Buchanan
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