One of our daily walks includes the Baybrook Court Bridge that gets us from the north side of the Boise River to the south side, with ease. We never fail to stop, rest our foot on the railing, and take several minutes to appreciate the river as it meanders along, often carrying ducks and geese, and in the summer, rafts of people enjoying themselves.
You can tell from the worn spots in the paint that the bridge is well-loved. I hope that by the time I reach my expiration date I have lots of “worn spots” too. To me, it seems like a grand way of measuring one’s “loved-ness.”
“Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out, and you get loose in your joints and are very shabby. But these things don’t matter at all, because once you are Real, you can’t be ugly, except to people who don’t understand.” —The Velveteen Rabbit, by Margery Williams
How do you measure love?
Tuesdays with Laurie 
you bring such positive and joy each Tuesday, my favorite to read!!
Mihrank — Thank you so much! 🙂
I am new to this. After we met at the institute, I wanted to try this. If I recall it is, “never having to say I am sorry.” from “Love Story,” the movie. That is not exactly how I would put it, but it always sounded nice. Love is not something I would measure, I want to appreciate all levels of feelings. Thank you for giving me the chance to think about,”love”
Murphy — It’s so good to see you here! I like your perspective of wanting to appreciate all levels of feelings. 🙂
I wish I could see the view from that bridge while I rest my foot on the railing and leave my ‘lovebite’ there. That is a big question: “How do you measure love?” By everyday kind actions and words, by being there when it matters, by giving and taking in equal measure and by not forgetting any of the above.
Fatima — Thank you for sharing your standard of measure, I love it! 🙂
Thank YOU! ❤
I love the quote from the Velveteen Rabbit. I measure love by thoughtful actions, kind words and looks. I am lucky to be surrounded by love and to have a sweet dog that really makes me feel loved.
Darlene — I absolutely understand what you mean. Especally when it comes to our dogs 🐾
That is a helpful quote as I reach the point in life when I have to learn to love the deep wrinkles, and when I am feeling more Real than ever.
I’ve never thought about measuring love. An impossible task?
Arlene — I had to smile when I read this sentence of yours: “…I am feeling more Real than ever.” 🙂
Some days I feel exactly like the Velveteen Rabbit, Laurie!
Loisajay — Me toooooooo 🙂
A lovely image and fragment. Thanks, Laurie.
Olga — I’m glad you enjoyed it 🙂
Great way of looking at it.
Craig — I’m glad it resonates with you 🙂
I had a feeling that you were going to end up with the Velveteen Rabbit. Thanks for giving me that satisfaction. A sign of good writing!
Shirley — I’m glad you enjoyed it 🙂
I do hope my eyes don’t drop out, but creaky and shabby are okay. Those are things that might result from lots of hugs over the years.
Patricia — I heartily agree with you! 🙂
Much like the velveteen rabbit. It’s a story all children and adults should read now and then to remember and not be forgotten.
LakeAfton — I really wish it were a “must read” in school. It’s that important 🙂
When making art, I keep in mind that when the piece is finished, I’d like for the viewer to be able to see how it got to that point. So, brush strokes are encouraged, mistakes are not erased away and signs of life and wear are okay. I like to look at people that way, too. Whatever outside forces got us to this point, show up, still. The signs of wear are reflections of life, and what makes each of us unique. Love made visible.
Cindy — Ohhhh, I love your perspective! Thank you so much for sharing it here 🙂
Measuring love, seems hard to explain or define at first and then the words connection and kindness float forward.
I have connected to my body deeply right now. In healing mode. I have 45 adrenaline releases per hour as part of my past – i am working to find more “control” and get this hair trigger problem more reasonable. Empathy makes me a grand counselor but disabled my boundaries and I often carry around other’s pain. Being home and not working , walking helps a great deal. I work at connecting through email and social media rather than in person these days. I think I am trying to measure loving by losing weight and not eating sugar. Finding calm Fabulous question and idea sharing thank you
Patricia — I’m picturing you on your healing journey. And like you said, “connection and kindness” bring it to the forefront 🙂
The “Velveteen Rabbit” is one of my favorite books. I always read it to my 3rd grade students and then to my children and grandchildren. Yesterday, Jordan and I celebrated our 51st Wedding Anniversary. We measure our love, over our lifetime together, by remembering the joys and sorrows we have shared and encouraged each other through, with respect, affection, understanding, compassion, kindness, and humor.
Sheila — I love your list of ingredients for a wonderful, loving marriage. Congratulations on your 51st Wedding Anniversary with Jordan! 🙂
Your are welcome. Happy to share!
I am not sure I have ever thought about measuring love Laurie. I can tell you about a long visit I had with my 88 year old aunt this week that was filled with mutual warmth, respect and love. I had lived with her while I was pregnant with my son and about to become a single parent at all of 19 years old. While we were visiting this time, the years just slipped away and we were deeply rooted in this place of familiar and most delightful companionship that has stood the test of time without much encouragement. We talked about all the things that are important to both of us and yet there was no need to talk at all. We would have been just as happy if nothing had been said really. Conversation was a value-added, a bonus. This is a great measure of love for me and I could tell by the expression on my aunt’s face that this was equally true for her. It was a good day – for both of us!
Terrill — I very much enjoyed reading the story of you and your aunt that you shared here. There’s no doubt about it, THAT’S a fantastic measure of love! 🙂
Here’s a good measurement of love, as written by Cole Porter:
“Night and day, you are the one.
Only you beneath the moon and under the sun.”
That’s love!
See you —
Neil S.
Neil — This is absolutely perfect. Thank you!
People who put up with me when I am NOT at my best. That’s love
DoorCountyInTheMoment — I bet that NOT being at your best doesn’t happen very often 🙂
How do I measure love? My man in the kitchen making lunch ~ and cleaning up too!
Marian — yes, Yes, YES! ❤️
This was a very special “read” today, Laurie. I have loved that quote for such a long time, and the way you’ve tied it in really speaks to me. I actually need to think about my response for awhile, however. I think I’m loved by the way I feel with family and friends who express care and appreciation and show they value me by their words and intentions, but in the nuances, I wonder how I DO measure love. Maybe I’m not nearly as sensitive to the gift of love and if not, perhaps not as giving myself. This is worth a little added contemplation!
Debra — I’m so glad this post spoke to you. Thank you so much for letting me know.
Sorry to be dumb, but where is the Boise River?
Coral — We live in Boise, Idaho. Just a hop, skip, and a jump from the Boise River (that feeds into the Snake River, that feeds into the Columbia River, that flows into the Pacific Ocean) 🙂
Sounds lovely.
Coral — It’s breathtaking 🙂
I love the well used resting spot . ..you can’t beat a place to ponder . Have you heard of ‘Poo Sticks’ first mentioned in Winnie the poo of course …looks a great bridge for that .
I adore that quote from the velveteen rabbit …one for my book list .
I measure love in bags of sugar . As a young couple my husband and I always did this .
Silly but sweet 🤭
Cherryx
Cherry — Ohhhhhh, I ❤️ the “bags of sugar” love measurement story!!
Today’s inspiration in today’s soulful query comes from Elizabeth Barrett Browning:
How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.
I love thee to the depth and breadth and height
My soul can reach, when feeling out of sight
For the ends of being and ideal grace.
I love thee to the level of every day’s
Most quiet need, by sun and candle-light.
I love thee freely, as men strive for right.
I love thee purely, as they turn from praise.
I love thee with the passion put to use
In my old griefs, and with my childhood’s faith.
I love thee with a love I seemed to lose
With my lost saints. I love thee with the breath,
Smiles, tears, of all my life; and, if God choose,
I shall but love thee better after death.
Laurie,
I love that book. I read it to my students every year. I don’t think there is any other exemplification that explains the process better than the words of the Skin Horse:
“What is REAL?” asked the Rabbit one day, …
“Real isn’t how you are made,” said the Skin Horse. “It’s a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but REALLY loves you, then you become Real.”
“Does it hurt?” asked the Rabbit.
“Sometimes,” said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. “When you are Real you don’t mind being hurt.”
“Does it happen all at once, like being wound up,” he asked, “or bit by bit?”
“It doesn’t happen all at once,” said the Skin Horse. “It takes a long time. That’s why it doesn’t happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. … but once you are Real you can’t become unreal again. IT LASTS FOR ALWAYS.”
Dennis — Thank you so much for pulling in the Skin Horse and Rabbit dialogue. That was wonderful to read again 🙂
I’m very well loved. Thank you
For reminding me what a wonderful
Thing it is to be well worn!!
Sylvia — It’s so good to see you here! I’m so sorry for the delayed response. I just returned late last night from teaching at the Writers’ Institute at UW-Madison.
I, too, am well worn and I wouldn’t have it any other way 🙂
I imagine the old-fashioned balance scale. When one side of the scale is weighed down with kindness, compassion, and good deeds, I know love has been measured.
Rose — It was so GREAT to meet you in person at the Writers’ Institute! I’m so looking forward to reading your book, “Buy the Little Ones a Dolly.” I really like your visual perspectve of how love is measured — an old-fashioned balance scale ⚖️
Thanks