- Support Systems by Laurie Buchanan
My work at HolEssence includes supporting my clients. From infants to senior citizens and a wide brushstroke of possibilities therein (i.e., pregnancy, triathletes, physical challenges), I try to prepare for every contingency. Hence, I have a large selection of wedge systems, bolsters, and props to support a multitude of needs.
What about your support in life—who’s got your back?
“Whatever you are not changing, you are choosing.”
— Laurie Buchanan
www.HolEssence.com and our Facebook page
© 2011 Laurie Buchanan – All Rights Reserved
Tuesdays with Laurie 
Laurie, I am guessing that your question to us does not refer to physically, but in other areas of our lives i.e. mental and/or emotional support/encouragement etc. when we are working on a goal whether in business, or some other area of our life.
I am at another time and circumstances in my life where I could use support from others. But my question to you would be “Who has your back, who supports you in your life goals/plans/etc.?
I know you are married so you will probably say your husband, and in your case you would be lucky and blessed for that.
Ann – You’re absolutely right. I was, indeed, referring to the mental/emotional/spiritual aspect of ourselves (as opposed to the physical). You asked who has my back? In addition to my husband, Len, I have a small network of close friends who I can take “the Nestea plunge” into (fall back into their arms with full confidence and be engulfed by their support) if it were to become necessary.
You are very blessed then.
Ann – Indeed, I am. I wear a wrist mala to bed at night and name my blessings as I go around the sandalwood beads. It’s a wonderful way to go to sleep.
Comment to your last reply 🙂 Every day I thank God for my blessings. When I slip into a hot bath I start by being grateful for the ability to have water, and hot water so I can relax in a hot bath and then I continue naming other things I am grateful for.
Ann – You well know then that being grateful is like having a free facelift — it makes a person smile and takes years off their appearance.
And again and back to your original question…There are people in my life who claim to be friends, who claim to love me, and there are friendly acquaintances who seem to like me. They care if i am really sick and some would actually help me if I needed it i.e. bring me some food to eat.
However, I haveasked for support (not financial) in the way of encouragement, ideas, or something else which might require a few minutes of their time to answer what to me was an important question!! Not!
One exception– a few months ago I asked for some feedback about myself, and sent the specific things I needed answers to…note this was to help me learn about myself as I am going through some personal transition in my life to make me a better person. Only 2 friends replied with brief answers. And yes they are the kind of friends who would be honest with me.
Ann – Not all, but most people find it difficult to give feedback to another person, especially if it’s involves the person on the receiving end learning about opportunities for improvement. Back “in the day” when I was in the corporate world, I was in Human Resources (specifically recruiting). We were taught that it’s a GIFT to give honest, constructive feedback. The delivery style of any feedback is vital — especially opportunities for improvement. The delivery style sets the tone and makes the difference between the recipient receiving it as a gift, or as a criticism.
Oh I agree about giving feedback in the right way. There is no problem with that between me and a couple friends, and my dear brother 🙂
However, it can be difficult and discouraging when you select a “few” people you feel are special in certain ways, you admire their ethics and integrity so you ask them to brainstorm about a project you want to work on, or to encourage you to keep going when writing a book or exercising to lose weight, or something else special…and NOTHING. Maybe I don’t ask in the right way. Whatever the issue I have learned to accept that I am not alone and I trust in my Heavenly Father to help guide me 🙂 and I continue on with my life…mostly in joy and peace.
Hi, Laurie — I am fortunate, of course, to have Jonathan and a friend or two who I know I can count on. I rely upon the Universal Consciousness to support me — its energies are available to me the same as anyone or anything else in existence. I rely upon the intelligence that I am, my creativity, my willingness to make things happen in my life that support me. When I rest my head at night, I know that so long as I have me, I am doing well.
Barbara – “I know that so long as I have me, I am doing well.” yes, Yes, and a big hearty YES again!
Hi Barbara, I like the way you said this because I feel the same way!:
“I rely upon the Universal Consciousness to support me — its energies are available to me the same as anyone or anything else in existence.”
Hi, Barbara — along with that is my trust it is all good, too.
This is such a good question, Laurie. My husband supports me~~my friends support~~the Divine supports. I try to support myself on deep levels, too. Sometimes it works, sometimes not as much.
Kathy – I appreciate your frank response — “sometimes not as much.”
What perfect timing Laurie, I can’t think of a better contemplation exercise for ME right now. Most of my life I’ve been the one to have everyone eleses back covered. Over the years I’ve never noticed if my back was covered or not because it just always seemed as if it was.
Within the last few years I’ve come to realize the importance of having someone, or a group of someones there for me – and in doing so have become acutely aware of the fact that I don’t really have that corner of my universe handled. Perhaps I never did, perhaps I’ve been unaware of this and perhaps I’m just now realizing the importance of securing real support as well as giving it. Again, many thanks.
Alison – I’m grateful for what you’ve shared here. It’s important. Very important.
I’ve blessed throughout my life with solid back support. : )
Family and friends–in person and elsewhere.
Last year I was excited but very nervous about presenting author reading. Yet, during the reading I was more relaxed than I’d ever been. Something had charged me with an overdose of self-confidence. I later learned that you, Laurie, where projecting positive thoughts my way. I’d like to order another supply for this weekend, please.
Leanne – Consider yourself zipped in the pod 🙂
“Zipped in the pod”–I’m not exactly sure what that means, but coming from you I know it’s a good thing. : ) So thank you.
Leanne – You’re welcome. Yes, zipped in the podis a good thing. Here’s a LINK to exactly what it means.
Wondeful, Laurie! I’m honoured to be zipped in the pod. : )
Leanne, I know the feeling of speaking in front of a crowd, and also know how it feels when you begin and suddenly KNOW it is going to be ok and everything flows so well. And then the payoff…your listeners respond which such enthusiam, especially those who tell you what a great job you did.
Congratulations Leanne for I am sure you did very well.
Ah well, I just paid for a back facial and massage to work on my back support, but I do glean that is not quite what you are asking for and Ann cinched that was true…
I have a huge spiritual life that supports me, because I have always felt I must watch out for my own backside for most of my life.
In some crucial moments of my life my husband has not been as supportive as I would like; it is for me to support him.
I have a daughter/IT Girl who is becoming a good supporter in my on line world – though she is very hard on me about my weight and getting health her way…:)
After 8 years of isolation caring for my mum, I have been reaching out and think I have found a book group of women who offer some more tangible support like hugs and encouragement. They even want to share in my birthday this summer – amazing.
I think this is just why I am offering up my new services site – Wise Ears to offer support, encouragement and skills for folks wanting to make successful changes in their lives. I am a profoundly amazing listener and supporter – I think because I have always needed to support myself –
Big question for you…Does one need eyes in the back of their heads to do this well?
Patricia – I’ll betcha a dollar to a donut that your daughter’s riding your case a bit because she loves you and wants you to enjoy a quality life for as long as possible 🙂 Your book group sounds like an amazing group of women — good for you! Does “Wise Ears” have a website yet? Please share it with us when you’re ready to.
To answer your question, “Does one need eyes in the back of their heads to do this well?” “Must” have — no. “Nice to have” — absolutely. By this I mean extra sensitivity (not as in “emotionally sensitive — cries at the drop of a hat.” Rather, as in a great gut instinct in one’s head, a strong sense of knowing).
I will tell you about Wise Ears the moment the landing page is in place – although it is up and running now without the about page, subscribe and about page….Landing page is at the editors…getting a professional do…
So the site is there dot com
As a first grade teacher I am sure that my mum had those eyes in the back of her head and kept telling me I needed them!
I think my back vision comes from feeling people’s emotions…and then being able to respond quickly..knowing is a good word.
re: daughter – I just have spent too many hours counting calories and I can not run any more…I do walk 3 miles every morning and do yin- yoga
Patricia – I just checked out http://www.WiseEars.com and can say this. She’s gonna be a beaut when’s she’s fully born! You go, girl!
Oh! I just took a quick sneak peek as well Patricia… can hardly wait to see WiseEars fully decked out.
~the one who is making my heart beat, it is a mystery, yet somehow I know…
Jeannie – Your heart-felt response put a great big face-splitting grin on my face.
Interesting question Laurie
Ailsa is my #1back watcher, in so many different ways.
Next would be my sisters, Pauline & Barbara, and their husbands Pete & Rex.
Next would be some of my cousins, Brian and Ian in particular, but if there was a real problem I could probably rely on about 20 other cousins (mum and dad were each one of nine siblings – so lots of cousy’s to choose from).
Then there are people from my old community at Waitakaruru, where I lived for 34 years. Probably a dozen or more people I could call on there if I really needed to George, Max, & Noel would top the list. A few from my high school Jim, Kevin, Trish, Barb, Ngaire.
From my university days there are Ed, Chris & Sharon.
Here in Kaikoura there are so many groups.
From my time on the Board of Trustees at the high school, Charmaine, Thora and Robin.
So many others, from politics, from council, from Jaycees, from Young Farmers, from Federation of Commercial Fishermen, from Lions, from Boating Club, from Rec Fishing Council, Golf club, neighbours – and of course, you.
Quite a neat feeling to go through them – Thanks.
Ted – That is SO cool! I had fun reading them (got goose bumps) and I don’t even know them 🙂
So happy for you Ted.
Laurie – today it is you who had my back catching an error in date the announcement for my show. Most days I feel confidently supported by a wide range of individuals, friends and family. Some have been solid supports that have stood the test of time and others I know I can lean into lightly for a good stretch to find my balance.
Other times I must remind myself, by asking the very question you ask, so that I remember I have support. I need to remind myself that I can fall back a little now and then and ask for help or say… can you move that just a little to the right? Yes, right there.
I remind myself that asking others for help allows them to shine and feel the value of their contribution. I once sat in an office chair that was so ill-fitted for me that my neck gave up in protest. The ergonomics people came in with a new chair, adjusted my computer and I was off to the races but not before I got a lecture and a shaking of the head “Terrill this is our job. I swear you would have sat on a stump and not noticed until you fell off!”
Terrill – You bring an extremely important point to light here when you say, “Asking others for help allows them to shine and feel the value of their contribution.” I loved the story you shared about the office chair!
Asking can be a good thing, even if we are the type who hate asking for help. Sometimes we may not see the help others may be giving us, i.e. forwarding an email to their list in the event one of them might be able to help, or praying and sending positive thoughts our way.
And, sometimes when we ask for help we have to be specific in how others can help us. There are times that help comes in unexptected, glorious ways.
Ann – You’re right, the combination of asking for help and being specific can be a win/win situation for both the asker and the person receiving the request.
Besides the Universal Consciousness the other Barbara mentioned, my husband, my sister, my sister-in-law and my children have my back and have come through for me many times.
As for the sciatica in my physical back, that white wedge for the whole body in the center of your picture looks PERFECT for me to sleep on! Every night I arrange five pillows in a similar fashion to facilitate a good night’s sleep, free of pain in my back and my left leg!
Barbara – That particular wedge system is the “Contour Back Max Orthopedic Wedge Pillow System.” Very reasonably priced, I bought it online at Active Forever. Here’s a LINK to that product in their online catalog.
Oh, thank you for the link, Laurie! I showed the pillow system to Tim and we’re going to give it a try! Much more reasonably priced than the recliner we were thinking of trying… If I like it we’ll suggest it to his aunt who broke her hip a few years ago and has trouble sleeping in a bed…
Barbara (ingebrita) – Let me know your thoughts once you get the wedge system. I think you’re going to LOVE it.
I have what I feel is a fairly extensive support channel, though I can’t deny that Lucille is my prime supporter as well she should be. And I’m hers. But I’d like to believe that other family members and my closest friends would stand by me at times when I need some encouragement.
This question is perfect for you Laurie, as supporting others seems to be the prime focus of your vocation and your domestic life. I know. I’ve gotten a good deal of it!
Sam – I can well imagine that with two loving people — you and Lucille — as the driving force behind a family of seven, there are a myriad of support systems taking place simultaneously. Having only one sibling myself, I’m fascinated by the dynamics in larger families.
You are blessed Sam. And you are right that Laurie is a great source of love and support to others, including her blogger friends. Thanks Laurie.
Ann and Sam – Thank you both 🙂
Good appropriate picture.
Who’s got my back? A friend, a brother, sisters.
So I’m lucky.
Paul – Lucky, indeed!